Bring no electronics to the US Embassy

I love little bits of Americana popping up periodically. This week I realized that my US Passport was quickly running out of pages. The normal process for extending pages in a passport is to mail the passport into the US Embassy in the local country (UK in this case), and it takes about a week, is free, and the passport is returned with additional pages added. But this week I realized that there isn't enough time to mail my passport off before a series of trips over the next 2.5 weeks (Dublin, Seattle, Brussels, and Boston) - and there was a real chance I'd run out of space in the passport in the meantime. So I contacted the US Consulate office in London and they said that I could show up at the US Embassy in London between 0830 and 1400, and I could have new pages added while I waited. No appointments are taken for this service, so it was just first come, first serve.

So I decided that Tuesday morning was the perfect time to go to the embassy. The only other time I had been there, I recalled long queues out front and a thorough security screening that included leaving all electronic devices out front in a guard booth - you gave them your mobile phone and key fob, and they gave you a plastic bag to put it all in and a ticket to claim the bag back later when you were outside again. For the record, the US London Embassy's website does also clearly state that no electronic devices are allowed inside. So Monday after work, I locked up my laptop at work, and headed home with only my mobile phone and house keys. On Tuesday morning, I woke up about 0530, had a quick breakfast and shower and headed into the embassy. Making good time, I arrived about 0630 at the embassy and was thrilled to be first in line! I noticed several of the signs in the outside waiting area, reaffirming that no electronic devices were allowed inside. And then a strange observation struck me - the guard shack that used to temporarily store mobile phones had completely disappeared. So I asked a guard and she confirmed that no electronic devices were allowed inside - and I asked where I should put them. She suggested finding a place that stored valuables. Such as Victoria Station or Paddington Station - neither of which is particularly convenient walking. For example, Victoria Station is two miles away.

Very quickly I realized that I actually shouldn't have taken anything with me at all. At this point, I literally start to wander around the area, thinking that perhaps I can hide my mobile phone under a bush somewhere for a couple of hours (I didn't Hugh, don't worry). Then I realized that we have friends who live right near Bond Street Station! So I walk towards there and find to my dismay that I somehow don't have their phone numbers in my contacts list. But a coworker always arrives early at work, so I called him and he looked up the mobile number for me from the corporate address book since one of the friends also works at Microsoft. Success! At least success that I got the number to call - but no answer. At this point, I am ready to basically give up, so I start to wander back towards the embassy, ready to bribe a coffee store employee somewhere to slip my phone into their pocket for a couple of hours for £20. But close to the embassy, there's a pharmacy open that has a handwritten sign to the effect of "we rent storage by the hour." Beyond all hope, I go into the shop and ask if they can store my phone for a couple of hours, ready to pay almost anything at this moment of desperation. And for the quite reasonable fee of £3 they store it for up to six hours. Success at last! I made it back to the embassy, reclaimed the first spot in line (which actually made me sad since I obviously didn't have to get there so early), and got inside the building as client number 1.

But the excitement is just beginning! Although the entire page extension process was completely easy and straightforward, I had forgotten how fun and amusing it is to be back in a little slice of Americana! I enjoyed spending 45 minutes browsing through multiple magazines, all geared to some extent to help American ex-pats living in London pretend that they've never left their little streets in the alcoves of middle America somewhere.

For example, the magazine "The American" provides endless enjoyment by browsing and reading how you should attend Dentist X for "fine American dentistry" - ie, none of those craaaazy dentists over here in London.

Similarly, don't you just hate the London women scene and how hard it is to become friends with the savage locals? We did, too, and that's why we formed the "American Womens Club of Chelsea and Kensington". If you're American, a Woman, and Living in London, you are invited to join us at the next meeting as long as you wear a big hat.

But it's not all fun and games here in London - life is hard, the city is weird, and it's highly dangerous. Not like a large US city might be, but really, really dangerous. So much so that we highly suggest you buy armor plating for your clothing and cars.

Regardless, I made it back to work in time for my first meetings, got my passport extended and had my dose of Americana to fix me until my next visit. Next week. But in the meantime, at least I found a site where I can buy and have delivered Real American Food in London!